Autism

So my son Gabriel was diagnosed with Autism this last Thursday. He turned 3 in February and it was suggested to us last fall to get him assessed for autism by his speech therapist.

After 3 specialists in area's of autism assessed him individually. One was a speech pathologist, one a psychologist, and the other a pediatrician, they came together with their results and all agreed in each of their areas of specialties that Gabriel was displaying the symptoms of autism, in each field. His understanding of language is about the same as an one year old to about an 18 month old. His use of language is at about a 2 year old level. Meaning he doesn't understand a lot of words that he uses.

Honestly I was a bit shocked with the results of the whole thing because I was denial about it, thinking that he only had delayed speech. The speech pathologist did agree he has delayed speech but the other behaviors he displayed along with that were not consistent with ONLY delayed speech but as autism. The psychologist talked about his cognitive abilities being delayed as well around a 2 year old level, but he was advanced in areas of puzzles which was interesting. The pediatrician talked about a lot of the behaviors that Gabriel does his need to walk around the pool multiple times before getting in, and his anxiety in new places, how he plays with his toys, and puts my hand on objects that he wants, all being autism. How he needs his seat belt done up a certain way, and only I can get him out of the car, and the red cup needs to have the red lid or else he can't use it, he can only a certain book at night, and his pillow needs to be in a certain spot, how he only likes to watch the wheels spin on cars and trains, and the propeller on the airplane. As I told the doctor these things and he assessed them and told me that these are unusual behaviors I could see it, I just didn't before he told me that these were consistent with autism. He just was really particular to me, but so is Joshua about a lot of things, so I guess I didn't really think about it much. There was a lot that was discussed in the hour long meeting, and a ton of his behaviors that made sense as being odd after he pointed it out to me.

The doctor said that he seemed to be a mild case of autism. He needs to be reassessed and monitored as he gets older to see what his needs are, the only thing that i know for sure is I am unsure how this will progress and affect him. I don't know how severe his autism will be in the future. As of right now they think he will need an aid in school with him, which was hard for me to accept. Him being "special needs" was hard for me to accept. I have so much paperwork to fill out and everyone telling me that there is lots of funding available for special needs children supposed to be the highlight of the trip, I honestly could care less about the funding, I don't even want it. I am having a hard time accepting the fact that my son is different then other children and he has to be taught to socialize, and taught to speak, and use his imagination because those things will not happen unless he is pushed to do them. He learns things completely differently then other kids. I worry that he will be made fun of in school because he is special needs. I don't know if he will be able to take part in organized sports. So much in unknown to me right now, and I am in denial about a lot of it. Even now I look at him and think he can't be special needs, he isn't autistic. Then I look at all my paperwork I don't want to fill out, that I don't want to face and realize this is about to become my reality as much as I don't want it to be.

Joshua has been good about the whole thing, and was actually relieved to hear it was autism because that explained a lot of the weird behaviors he has. So he is happy with how the meeting went I guess. I know eventually I will come around, I am just having a hard time with it right now. I suppressed my tears during our meeting, and when I got home I had a good cry about it. I haven't really talked to anyone about it, I phoned my mom but ended up getting disconnected and I just didn't feel like talking about it anymore. Even now I still don't want to talk about it with my family. I still tear up a lot during the day when I think about Gabe and the whole thing. I know eventually that will go away. I know that i will eventually get use to this all and probably won't feel like crying all the time. Oh well just one day at a time..