It has been quite awhile since my last post about Gabriel. It has been 10 months since he was diagnosed with Autism, he is now 4 years old. Life has changed quite a bit for us there are a lot of supports that we had to get in place for Gabriel when he first became diagnosed and all of his therapy became very intense.
He was set up with a social worker after being diagnosed, she forwards us to a behavioral interventionist company that helps kids with autism. We set Gabriel up with them 5 days a week for 2 hours a day initially, his speech session tripled and now has weekly speech sessions for 1 hour, he recently obtained a occupational therapists to help him deal with all of his sensory concerns. He also has a support worker with him at the daycare everyday for 6 hours a day to help him deal with the social environment. Since Gabriel has been in daycare from 2.5 years till now it has actually helped him learn to cope with his autism. Being forced into a social environment all day has helped him overcome a lot of issues most autistic children have. It has helped his speech significantly because he forced to talk to get his needs met. Honestly I feel like daycare, a really good daycare, should be part of the therapy for autism, it has probably been one of best therapies by far.
We started to potty train Gabriel last May, basically we just took his diapers away completely and prepared for a lot of accidents. For night times we never let him use a diaper he got cool new pull-ups with his favorite characters on them for bed time. He has not seen a diaper since we took them away. After about a month he started to get the hang of it and we got his schedule down. Autistic kids learn completely different, so it is normal to expect a them to learn how to be potty trained during the day in about 1 year. It is coming up on May very quickly and Gabriel is right on mark with what is his normal. He is pretty much trained during the day and has maybe 1-5 accidents per month now. He still has to be reminded and taken to the bathroom at regular intervals and cannot be relied on to remember on his own, sometimes he is able to make it on his own though, just not consistently. I am not even concerned about night time training maybe after May we will start looking at strategies for it, but honestly it's not a big deal for me. I am just happy he sleeps all night and I am not sure I am ready to get up with him in the night and change him and his bedding because he has an accident.
Things are running pretty smoothly now I send out regular monthly newsletters to everyone that is working with Gabriel and what strategies all of the different groups are currently using. If anyone has any issues or questions they need to talk to me first and I will usually come up with a plan to address whatever the concerns are and the monthly email will be sent out. It has been a lot better having so many people involved running the process this way because all of the different companies do not know what each other are doing, or there maybe issues between two groups working together. I found this the best way to keep everyone happy. I have had to kind of take control of the situation and be the hub, which i feel is for the best because I am Gabriel's mom he is my kid I should be running things.
Things are going smooth now but Gabriel will be starting school in fall of 2015 and that will be a new battle because his autism funding is cut by 70% which is all given to the school system. I am unsure if i will have to fight to get his speech therapy continued in school and also get his a teachers-aid. I know i want a teachers aid for kindergarten for sure. We will re-evaluate his needs after that. Gabriel will be re-assessed by the autism diagnosis team before he starts school to get a more accurate diagnosis than just mild autism there are different forms under the spectrum so I am hoping Gabriel will be diagnosed with one of the more specific conditions so that his therapy can be even more specific. Once he is more specific I will have a better idea what his life will be like and can look at other cases similar to his. As of the moment the last diagnosis i received they told me that Gabriel is mildly autistic and is mentally retarded. I honestly do not agree with the mentally retarded statement because I contribute him lacking in those tests due to his lack of language and understanding of language. He was not able to perform the tasks he was asked to do because he was not able to understand what they asked him to do. I saw a girl with autism competing for miss America and she was able to overcome the symptoms associated with autism it has given me a lot of hope for my son having a normal adult life.
How have i been doing with his all? Well I don't cry very much anymore, just randomly when I sit back and think about all of the "extras" Gabriel needs it gets a little overwhelming and I tear up. I haven't actually cried though just randomly tear up when I actually think about it. I am trying to take a positive approach to this whole thing though. I was listening to a lady at church talk about her friend whose sons has autism and how that lady blamed God for making her son autistic and how angry she was at God about the whole thing. I was just taken back in my seat because it has never occurred to me to even blame God. I am a Christian and honestly I feel like God chose my husband and myself to have this special boy in our lives because it was what we needed and what we could handle. He gave us a great responsibility with our son because he believes in us. Gabe is special, God knew he was going to be special and he gave him to me. I feel like no matter what Gabriel was going to be born into this world and I am honored I was chosen to be his mother. He has made me a better mother and wife, he has changed how I parent my children drastically and I am better for it. In such a short time he has changed who I am so much and I am hoping I can return the favor and not fail him as his mother. He is just perfect how he is, i would never want to ever change him. I still hope that he learns the skills to cope with the world around him and is able to function in society. But the parts of the personality that make him, him I love so much. The difficulties that Gabriel has is not because he is a bad kid it's usually from being over-stimulated, tired, hungry, or he is out of control of the situation and having a difficult time with it. He is never being difficult because he is a bad kid, he is actually a really sweet caring little boy who lacks the ability to communicate what is happening inside him with the world around him. I understand his frustration not being able to say the words he needs to say... I see him trying to say something and I can tell he knows what he is suppose to say but just cannot get the words out of his mouth, and the relief he has when I give the word he is looking for to him. It is those moments where I watch him struggle that my eyes tear up, something so easy as speaking is difficult for him and he has to work so hard and keep practicing all the time or else he will lose the language he has learned. He really works so hard. He is very inspiring. It is hard to watch him struggle with simple tasks but eventually with time I know he will master them too. I just need more patience with him.
Joshua and I use to spank our kids when they were being stubborn and insubordinate. Our daughter being a very strong willed little girl had her fair share. We use to spank Gabriel as well because we didn't understand that he was having a hard time doing something not because he didn't want to but because he actually could not do it. We use to discipline him for that. After his diagnosis we saw how unfair our punishments were to our son, and we decided that spanking, and yelling at our kids was no longer an option for us. Gabriel didn't understand the language we were using so yelling at him did not make it better. We no longer spank, and try very hard not to yell... which can be difficult with all the other stress in our lives and when the kids are just fighting with each other. We are not perfect, nor do I believe for a second that my parenting style is the one and only. What I have learned from this is that parenting styles need to be tailored to each child. I cannot parent my daughter the same way I parent my son because they are two completely different people and require two different styles. My daughter needs a firmer hand than my son. I just hope that people understand that their children are different people and just because one style works for one doesn't mean it will work for the other. Gabriel is deeply emotionally hurt when a voice is raised in his direction, and took a long time to come down from the emotionally turmoil of being spanked. My daughter on the other hand was flabbergasted that someone dared to raise a voice at her and sat in anger after receiving a spanking. I found sitting and talking with my daughter and understanding why she was acting out and correcting the negative behavior that way far more beneficial. With Gabe because he lacks the words I try and understand what might be going on around him or within him as to why he acting in a negative way and try to remove that stressor from his environment. Sometimes he just needs to be put in his room with the door closed and left alone to quietly play and he was unable to come to that conclusion on his own.
I just want my kids to respect me. I think that's all any parents wants. Some kids need a spanking, some kids just need to be talked too. I carry a lot of guilt about how I disciplined our son prior to his diagnosis because I realized he was disciplined for something he could not help and that was very unfair to him.
I think I will end this on a positive note. I am going to look into swimming lessons for Gabriel and see if he able to do it. He loves swimming so hopefully this is a sport he will be able to take part in!
-Jamie
